


Pill Bottle

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, I Regret Writing This So Much, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:00:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9251588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I wanted to write something sad and I want others to suffer with me.





	

The soft rattle of a shaking pill box. Phil knew what that meant. It meant terror, panic, suicide. He had experience. His brother, Martyn - the very man he had looked up to for years, dead, all because he swallowed a single pill. But Martyn was long gone. This time it could mean only one thing; Dan was going to kill himself. Dan was going to do the same thing that had broken Phil. Crushed him, and made him regret every choice he'd ever made. Phil knew Dan had had destructive thoughts, knew he'd attempted suicide before - but after all they'd been through, he kind of expected him to be.. over it? Phil knew that wasn't how depression worked, but Dan always seemed so happy, especially when he was with Phil (which was, let's face it, almost 24/7). He heard that rattling again, coming from the bathroom and a soft whisper of fuck, as Dan struggled open his box. Eventually, Phil heard a click as the box finally opened. "Dan, stop", he whispered. "Please."

Dan's PoV:   
Phil was busy editing a video, I knew if I was quiet he wouldn't find out what I was doing, not until it was too late, anyway. I stealthily snuck into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I picked up my box. I hoped Phil would notice, wouldn't know, until I was nothing but a cold, still corpse. I have some notes written, one to my family, one to my friends and one to my followers (I have instructions at the top telling Phil to make a video reading that one). There isn't one for Phil. No combination of words could ever truly capture how I feel for Phil. He's done so much for me, but all I am to him is a burden, I know it. I find myself unable to make friends, unable to please my parents, unable to accept myself. I've felt this way for months, known that I wanted to end it all for months. I love Phil, I love him and I can't accept that, I can't tell him. He'll push me away, just like everyone else in my life. So I'll die, with no one ever knowing who I truly am.  
I can hear Phil getting up for a snack. Now is probably the best time. It took me a few tries to open the box, but only a split second to pour a pill into my hand. One swallow, and it will all be over. I begin lifting it to my mouth when suddenly "Dan, stop. Please." I let out a sob. Say I'm sorry, that I just need this to be over, and then I swallow. 

Phil's PoV:   
I got there too late. Dan killed himself before I had a chance to tell him how I feel. I'm going to miss him. Scattered on the floor around him I could see notes. Three of them. Not one of them addressed to me directly. I don't understand. After calling his parents and telling some of our friends I searched his room. For something, anything, to explain what happened and why. I need to know why he wasted so much talent.  
I searched for hours. Nothing. I filmed a video for Dan's channel, reading aloud the note for his fans. Then, I wrote a note of my own. After filming a video of that one, I uploaded them both. One for his channel, one for mine. I hadn't bothered to edit them. I then tweeted on Dan's account, still logged in on his phone. Something brief, saying he was dead, that there was a video on his channel, something saying 'Goodbye Internet'. Then, to my account, something saying that I loved my fans, but I loved Dan more. Something saying farewell, and not to harm themselves because of this news.


End file.
